Dreams Don't Have Deadlines

Even as a young girl, I was always happiest with a pencil and scribbler notebook. I dreamed of being an author one day, but given that English isn't my first language, I didn't believe I could be.

My mom Elise (now 89) a smart and resilient woman is illiterate. Schools were closed in former Yugoslavia when the men went to war and there were no female teachers.

She was in Grade 2. She was so proud of me when I won the Spelling Bee in Grade 2.

Fast forward.

I remember. It was on one of our regular early-morning walks (with a long-time friend, who is a celebrated journalist) I told her I feel a need to write. Her sage advice was "well you need to have something to write about:.

True.

I never gave myself permission to do that until later in life when I wrote  Fashion 911: Your Runway to Reality and then years later penned Wear Your Life Well: Lessons on the Journey to Your Truest Self (and the companion journal).

I knew I wanted to keep writing, but I didn't know why. 

I dabbled. I sort-of did a (mostly) weekly post. At first I thought monthly would be good, then I thought about writing only when the muse moves me, whenever I had something * important* to say. (duh!)

A couple of years ago I made a commitment to myself to write and connect with women every week. 

Turns out I have a lot to say.

In those weeks that are manic, I toy with the idea of not writing.

Then the guilt sets in.

And I do.

It doesn't matter what the topic is. Sometimes words flows easily and effortlessly. Other times they don't. Usually it's a fusion. Mostly I write on Sunday morning, often still in my pajama's and then spend the next 3 days thinking and tweaking and over-obsessing over words. 

I am a writer. I choose to be. For a long while I never felt *good enough* to call myself that.

But, I am. I write.

The more I write the more confident I become. Comparison quashes creativity so I've decided not to go down that rabbit-hole. I know that it doesn't matter if hundreds of women read it, or only a few.

I wrote it.

And I LOVE that.

I found my why.

Maybe there is more to it than that. Maybe not.

Often ideas come to me in the middle of the night. Sometimes not until I sit down at the keyboard and wait to understand what it's asking of me and prompting my voice to say.

If I knew then that comittment to myself and consistency in my writing practice makes me feel fulfilled and happy, I would have chosen to become a scribe sooner.

I'm growing and learning a craft with each and every post I write. Today celebrates two years since I started posting.

I'm proud of me.

Always remember your dreams matter. It's never too late to start. No dream is too big or too small. If it matters to you it matters to all of us.

I'm proud of you too.

Copyright: Helene Oseen 2021